- 10/05 -
Hello again, whoever you are...
Upon writing this I realised I didn't write a blog for year 3, which means these blogs are exponentially spreading out. I decided not to reread the previous entries before this one. My mindset is so different now anyway.
I'll start with the story so far, then talk about how I'm feeling, then go into the future.
I've been in this school for 3.5 years... Jeez. The biggest things I did are: finishing the game and sister album I'd been working on since before I even moved here. I won't link them - I'm sure you can figure it out. After I got T1D I knew somehow I had to make these things before I died. They felt so big - like they represented my life so far. Maybe in 5 years there'll be another art project I feel I HAVE to finish to represent THESE five years from now... Well, I always thought I needed to finish and release these projects before I graduated, so it feels good.
I have 5 months left in my Bachelor, during which time I'll practise German primarily. I passed the B1 Goethe test this year, and I want to do B2 and C1 next year, when I'm studying in Switzerland. I'm basically moving there to live closer to my best friend/boyfriend... the things we do for love, huh... I'll be doing a masters' in audio design, because my current degree is some stupid Japan-specific degree and isn't transferable, so a masters' bridges the gap. Maybe it looks like I gave up on my dream of living here as a composer... but it turned out to be a nightmare. At least in this school, nothing makes me feel worse... I spent the best summer of my life in Europe last year and realised I was slowly dying the longer I stayed here. I feel so disconnected from everything... It's hard to explain.
The good stuff is my friend from Berlin visited and we had a really nice time in museums and installations. My family all together decided to confront things that were looming over us, and we're all closer and stronger now. I got to visit an old friend from highschool who had sort of shut herself away from society... I spent Christmas with my boyfriend's family and it was so warm... Some people I met in Switzerland visited me and stayed a while and I felt so loved. A lot of good things happened too, despite how my school treats me...
In Japan I travelled to Shirakawa-Go, and Takayama... I loved them a lot... Nature is so good. I also went to Hokkaidou again! This time I went more north, to Furano and Asahikawa... I went with my boyfriend and another friend and it was such an adventure... I loved climbing a mountain with them.
I think I'm less neurotic now, and I got over whatever emptiness I felt about things that made me crave an answer. I also met some bad people that showed me what not to do in regards to that...
Favourite art from last year: D2, Resident evil 2, pieces of april, loveletter, Hitze, B.l.u.e., Ethel cain, alex g, hubols games but also his podcast omg, harvest moon a wonderful life, sheep, dog by swanskin, twin peaks, welcome to the nhk, afters first ep...
[Future]
I'm going to hold on a little longer, until I can see my best friend again and swim in the river... It's hard not to put pressure on myself but at this point I really have to take it slow... Can't fall at the finish line. take care out there:)
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